My Spiritual Experience: Dying To Live
“Why am I here?”
“What is my purpose?”
These are questions I would constantly ask myself, especially as a child. From very early on I felt like I had been born for something much greater than myself. I always blamed it on my innocence though. I always believed that because I was obsessed with the Power Rangers, and beings who possessed abilities, and gifts that no one knew about, but I was wrong. I realized that on my 13th summer.
I suffer from bad asthma. As a kid I had been hospitalized a countless amount of times. My family had traveled all around the east coast in search of a place where I’d feel better. With no luck we moved back to New York, and ended up in a one-bedroom apartment, living with 10 other people, and sleeping on an air mattress in the living room. One morning I woke up unable to breathe. I got up, put on my nebulizer (asthma treatment), and yelled for my sister to get me water. My sight started getting blurry, and as soon as she handed me the cup of water, I dropped it. I instantly felt the hardwood floor under my body. I felt people trying to blow air into my lungs, I felt people pushing my chest in, I felt them start to give up, and I heard them crying for me.
Then all the noise stopped. I no longer felt, or heard anything. I’m not sure what went on, but while I was gone, I remember standing in a dark hallway. I couldn’t see anything because it was pitch black, but I could energetically feel walls on both sides of me. I felt like whatever was in front and behind me went on forever; like if I had ran towards either side, I would probably never reach the end. I’m not sure how long I was there, but I remember waking up. I was outside, laying on the pavement in front of our apartment building. There was a paramedic looking at me. She hugged me, and said “you’re back”. I gave her a puzzled look because it took a few seconds to realize what she was talking about. I looked around, and everyone was crying. I looked at the paramedic once more, and what she said to me will forever be engraved in my soul- “how are you looking at me, when you still have no pulse?”.
Those words changed my life forever. Those words made me question why I was still here. Those words validated that I do have a purpose. I have no idea what mission I must accomplish, but I do know that whatever mission I dive into must be conquered like it is the reason for my existence.
If you ever ask yourself these questions, then you’ve realized that there’s a higher calling for you. Listen to your heart, your surroundings, and most of all your intuition. The closer you get to who you truly are, the closer you will guide yourself to what you’re truly meant to be doing. I died to understand that, and now I’m writing about it, so we can all LIVE to find it.